I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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