Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
