last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you never un-have a 4some
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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