i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
