Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
