Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
