Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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