I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
