I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
