My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
