Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
