Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
