I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
