you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
