Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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