I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
