Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
