i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
