It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
