If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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