so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
