She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship