I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
