Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?