Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
