the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.