do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
