SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
