Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
