need another drink. this is the easiest way
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
