you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
