If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
