my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
