Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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