Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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