Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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