Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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