My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize