When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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