I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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