wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
