He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I could fuck to npr.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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