ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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