you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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