I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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