He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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