her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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