i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
