Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize