i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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