My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
