how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
