At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
