You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
