i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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