Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
