WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You ate ashes out of my bong
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
