Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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