what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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