Got a toothbrush?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
