Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
