wrigley field is MILF paradise
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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