Where is the hickey?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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