Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
