this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
