Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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