so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
