he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
