I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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