In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
