The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
