LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
