Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
