Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
