He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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