She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
